william klem

I love you. I don't say it very much and you don't say it to me very much; but its true. You work so hard so I can have it easy; so I can go to college and learn. You deal with things that I will never be able to understand; every day you are faced with life and death. How can you do that? How can you just come home and be calm; how can you come home and help with math homework after that?

I have a confession to make; I don't work as hard as you do.

I don't deserve what you provide. I take a lot; I am an expensive kid. You try and show me how to be responsible; you show me what it's like to be a man. I wish I had started paying attention sooner. As I grow up, I'm finding myself more and more like you. At first that was weird for me because I didn't really want to have anything in common with you, but now I kinda like it. I want to be just like you; I want to be able to be calm in situations of extreme stress. I want to be as smart as you, as strong as you, as loving as you. One day, I hope to have kids so I can be a dad like you.

For a long time I was so mad about how you were never there; I never understood why I wouldn't see you for several days at a time. I was mad because Alex got to play football with his dad and you weren't around. I didn't know that you were saving lives; in my 6 year old mind, I didn't understand. All I wanted was someone to throw the ball with, someone to take apart the vacuum with or play on the computer with. I didn't understand, and I was mad about it.

Please forgive me because I said some pretty mean things about you, especially in middle school. I still didn't understand why you weren't there. My body was going through changes and there was no one there to tell me why, there was no one there to tell me how to act. You only got to see me when I was throwing a tantrum or trying to run away. The only time I was around you was when you were punishing me for something dumb I did. Forgive me please, I was crying out.

I see now though; I see why you weren't there when I was little. You were paying off our house, our cars, our futures. You weren't there when I was in middle school because you were paying off my 5 years of private schooling, my college education, and maybe even grad school. You were supporting our family from the background, you gave everything but didn't get much back. I am so sorry that I didn't get to know you then. I am trying to make up for that now; I'm trying really hard.

Why does it take me going off to college to see this? Why does it take me living on my own to realize what I needed was right there; right on the sidelines of my JV soccer games watching me sit on the bench and cheering louder than anyone else when I went in. Now here I am, back in town for my 19th birthday and you were the first one to wish me "Happy Birthday." I am sitting in your office looking at all the clutter on the desk and thinking to myself how similar it is to my own desk. I'm looking at the notes you have taken, the CD's you have, the pictures you have; I want to be just like you.

Teach me.